This is a great article that sums up a lot of what we offer as abortion doulas. Among the many pearls of wisdom:
Don’t minimize the experience. If your friend is feeling upset or conflicted about her abortion, you may be tempted to tell her it’s not a big deal. But this might not be what she wants to hear. Baumgardner says you should avoid telling your friend things like “it’s just a mass of cells.” Nina de Gramont, co-editor of Choice: True Stories of Birth, Contraception, Infertility, Adoption, Single Parenthood, & Abortion, says, “don’t be dismissive. She doesn’t need to hear that the embryo was the size of a kidney bean.” She adds,
Don’t try to talk her out of feeling upset. If she’s experiencing feelings of grief or loss, treat her like you would anyone going through mourning. Be kind, supportive, and loving.
On the flipside, if the friend doesn’t feel upset about her abortion or isn’t grieving, be supportive and understanding about that too. Not everyone will experience these feelings.